Ask your doctor if Alrightra is right for you.
It is 11:18pm. I have taken NoDoz, as I understand that it makes you not doze. Very clever indeed. It seems these days that I’m always tweaking on something. If the Ambien doesn’t get ya, the NoDoz sure will.
And yet, no matter what pill I take, or what scotch I drink, or what bubble-gum pop song I blare at mind-shearing volume into my ears via my iPod, or what stupid little thing I tinker with in my garage, or what I try to force myself to think, there is a terrible black hole in my mind.
Black holes, if you’re not familiar with the concept, are the coolest fucking things ever. A black hole is a star in its death throes. It burns, some shit with neutrons and gravity and fusion happens, and you’re left with a point in space whose pull is so great that not light can escape it. So if you’re ever piloting a shuttlecraft with the away team and you see one of these, think of it as the worst pothole ever. Just drive around it.
So there’s this black hole in my mind that keeps pulling me back into this funk. I can get away for brief moments, but on nights like this, I am back in its center. Too tired to think, too awake to sleep, too paralyzed by fear and uncertainty to act, and too worried about being paralyzed to not do something. So I write this shit. Happy fucking day.
It isn’t a black hole in my soul. My soul, as the kids say, is “tight.” I have a woman who I love so fiercely that I can barely describe it, and a baby boy that that same woman is creating in her womb at this very moment that I know will only expand my capacity to love by a factor of a million. I have passion. I have creativity. I give a shit about things. I cherish life, even on days like this.
I don’t need a pill for that. I need a pill for this. Ask your doctor if Alrightra is right for you.
Sorry to have put you through my trite, self-indulgent load of shit. It’s David Gray’s fault. My iPod is on shuffle and Disappearing World started playing. That song never fails to fucking break me in two. Fucking David Gray and his beautiful, malaise-inducing anthem. Knock that shit off.