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I just got back from the Denver International Airport today. (Okay, I didn’t. I’m not the bronzed, erudite international playboy that you are. So fuck off.)

I did, however, just learn about some really, um, utterly terrifying murals that grace the halls of said airport.

So, yeah, who doesn’t expect to see a painting of Thanatos, clad in military garb and a gas mask, wielding a scimitar and a machine gun in an airport these days? I mean, studies have shown that this type of imagery does wonderful things to soothe nervous travelers, especially in this post-9/11 era.

Ahh, yes, then there are the dead children entombed at Death’s feet. Oh no, wait, that would just be morbid. They’re probably just sleeping.

Here are some delightfully mischievious little bastards. They gathered up all of their country’s weapons, wrapped them in their flags, and are bringing them to a little German boy to turn into plowshares. Note that America-Boy (the Boy Scout) is kinda giving bedroom eyes to Indian-Girl (how else do we identify Native Americans? Yep-headdresses.) I wouldn’t give those swords away just yet, kiddies! I saw Death around here somewhere, and I think he’s about to go baggage handler on your asses…

Oh no, wait, no need. They seem to have dispatched with Death’s psycho ass already. Hey, good for them. On a side note-doesn’t Death look a lot like the guy from the Scream movies here?

You may be asking yourself: why is this grotesque and disturbing set of imagery displayed at a public airport? The answer may lie with the Illuminati. Apparently, this freaky-ass mural aside, the entire airport is rife with overt Freemasonry symbols and is rumored to be the future control center of the New World Order. So bring your skis with you when you go to get your chip implanted! You slave worm!

This has been another installment of What in the Living Fuck is the Deal with That? with your host, Timothy Moriarty.