Extreme Energy Shot: BFG-9000 Ammunition? Think Again.
Arizona Beverage Company, makers of one of my favorite beverages (iced green tea) have thrown their hat into the ring with Extreme Energy Shot.
Figure 1.1: This is not, in fact, an energy drink, but a slug for a futuristic muzzleloader superweapon
The claims of the can: Anyone who doesn’t grasp the fundamentals of marketing might be a little afraid to drink this. Aside from the classic “police tape” striped black and yellow design theme to the can, it’s also adorned with a red CAUTION warning at the top. However, I DO understand the fundamentals of marketing, and at the moment, I’m all wet. This thing has warnings on it. It’s going to kick my fucking ass. I am surprised by a few other tidbits on the can, including “No Preservatives,” “No Artificial Colors,” and “Contains 10% Juice,” which as we all know is a staggering amount of natural ingredients.
Scariest-sounding ingredient: “Mango Puree”
Energy Drink Funk Factor: 2. Truly, it was a toss up between a 1 and a 2, but in the end, you could definitely tell that there was something amiss. Still quite nice, however. Tasted a bit like an iced tea drink with a little fruity something-or-other.
What it does for you: Made me feel just swell for several hours, but the 54g sugar crash was rough. I woke up in bed with our housekeeper. I let off an extreme energy shot of my own, she tells me. We had to change our phone number.