And He stirred the soup and blessed it, saying: “Slurp of this, all of you. This is my soup of the new covenant. Careful, though, it’s got a kick.”
A while back, professional closet decorator and hurling invective dot com author Kevin Beane wrote a piece on what to do and what not to do when you get three prostitutes in your hot tub. (Do: take pictures. Don’t: let anyone know that they’re really pre-op trannies.) He posted a helpful photograph of three lovely young ladies, probably putting themselves through college or helpin’ mama pay for her meds, in various states of undress in a hot tub waving around stacks of money.
At this point in the game, most people can find a photograph of anything on the interwebs. And I mean anything. Looking for a photograph of Rue McClanahan from Mama’s Family in the cockpit of a C-130 Hercules? Google it. Britney Spears Beaver shot? Google it. Want to see a camel give birth to a Tonka truck? Google it.
However, the internet can be used for other more noble pursuits other than trying to find titties, even though Al Gore, during his famous Wolf Blitzer interview, described his original vision of the internet as “the most staggering compendium of poonnanny of our age.” Those other pursuits include: procuring penis enhancement pills, getting sports scores, posting fan fiction, debt consolidation, World of Warcraft, and registering your opinion on the latest episode of Lost. I believe that’s everything, actually. Despite this, many people endeavor to use the web to search for a variety of other items, and often via Google’s image search engine.
Said engine can be remarkably useful and remarkably pointless all at the same time, often during a single search. Say you’re looking for a picture of a tuba. The search might yield a picture of Al Jourgensen on a Ministry fansite, because it mentions that Al Jourgensen played tuba in high school on a page that includes his photo. This can be very misleading, although the resulting non sequiturs are often so hilarious and baffling that you are encouraged to click on the unrelated picture link just to see what the fuck the connection is between, say, a search for “vampire costumes” and a picture of the cast of The Bridges of Madison County.
It appears that our hot tub prostitutes are no exception to this phenomenon. Searches for things like Ambien, Yunker Fanti, Tetris, miniature golf, blue agave, and many, many others have brought up our three hot tub beauties, which has in turn brought visitors to this site. A lot of them. I would guess that a solid 20% of our traffic is now Google image searches that lead people to the thumbnail of this picture, and then to the site.
With that in mind, I present to you a shameless array of beautiful women with wholly unrelated captions, so as to capture more of this growing market.
Figure 1.1: The Red-throated Bee-eater (Merops bulocki) is a species of bird in the Meropidae family.
Figure 1.2: On September 28, 2000, Ariel Sharon and an escort of over 1,000 Israeli police officers visited the Temple Mount complex, site of the Dome of the Rock and al-Aqsa Mosque.
Figure 1.3: The original Europa used Lotus founder Colin Chapman’s minimalist steel backbone chassis that was first used in the Lotus Elan, while also relying on its fibreglass moulded body for structural strength.
Figure 1.4: The name Oriskany was originally assigned to CV-18, but that hull was renamed Wasp when the keel was laid in 1942.
Figure 1.5: Piton de la Fournaise is over 530,000 years old, and for most of its history, its flows have intermingled with those from Piton des Neiges, a larger, older and heavily eroded extinct volcano which forms the northwest two-thirds of Réunion Island.
Figure 1.6: In Iran each ostan or province consists of several shahrestan or county (Persian: شهرستان shahrestān), and each shahrestan has one or more bakhsh or district (Persian: بخش bakhsh).
Figure 1.7: OOn3 is a model railway standard for modeling 3 foot gauge narrow gauge railways in 4mm scale scale with 12mm gauge track.