Fuck your extrasolar planet
It appears that scientists have discovered a planet which they have affectionately titled ‘c’, in orbit around Gliese 581, named after Bob Gliese, NASA tournament tetherball champion, 1975-1976.
Merely discovering a planet isn’t that big a deal these days, what with big Hubble fucking telescopes and all. I just the other day discovered two planets lodged in my goddamn head where my eyeballs used to be, which are gaining mass at an extraordinary rate. The big deal here is that Gliese 581 c is in the ‘habitable zone’ of the star it orbits, meaning it is theoretically capable of supporting liquid water.
We can tell if a planet a hundred grillion light years from us has a swimming pool, but we can’t develop a pill to make me sleep. Viva la science. Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.