aboot us
Full Name: Timothy Aloysius Moriarty
Pseudonyms: Tim the Trim, Trim Von Prurient, Trim the Dim, The Heap, Sweetums, Trim Naughty T, Chief Unconscious Bear
Hometown: Akron, Ohio
Occupation: Quintessential elitist, insufferable toady, fashion consultant (emphasis on socks and underwear)
Likes: pipe bombs, prosthetic joints, pasteurization, Gamelan orchestra music, grain futures, Bollywood, unicycling, Precious Moments figurines, antique tear gas canisters, lemurs, recreational temping, thizzles, Parker Lewis Can’t Lose, moped racing, competitive lawnmowing, and methamphetamine substitutes
Dislikes: Domestic beer, social conservatives, being perennially broke, Bill Gates and his progeny, home improvement contractors, anyone in human resources
Political Affiliation: Angry Archliberal (the type who thinks gay marriage should be mandatory for straight people and keys cars with Bush/Cheney’04 bumper stickers on them)
Smells Like: Late 20-something spirit
Highest Known Blood Pressure: 151/111
Bedtime: 4pm
Things I Feel Like I Should Like But Don’t: The Beatles, the ocean, Star Wars, Last of the Summer Wine, Casablanca, Jack Kerouac, America
Number of Progeny: 2 – Gabriel Johann Moriarty, age 4, and Lucia Edith Moriarty, age 1
You can write to Timothy at tim@hurlinginvective.com.